It Started as a Bit…

I decided to take a break from drinking and see how it went.

That’s what I told myself. My last drink was in late November 2017, but I couldn’t remember the exact date. I didn’t care to know, so I made the date December 1st. I had always been impulsive with my drinking, never wanting the fun to end. My brain equated fun with drinking more and more. My life was in shambles, with anxiety running the show. I just wanted to breathe and find a moment of peace. Alcohol brought me that serenity. Of course, that tranquility usually turned into a nightmare, and before long, alcohol was fueling one nightmare after another. So, I decided to take a break.

A Bizarre Prize

Two months after I stopped drinking, I attended an AA meeting. Why not? I had nothing to lose. At my first meeting, they handed out tickets at the door—the kind used for raffle prizes.

What kind of hellish prize would I win if my number were called at an AA meeting in a church basement?

I sat in the main room of a preschool within a church basement with forty other people. The meeting began, and a woman outlined the structure: there would be a speaker, followed by ticket numbers being called. Attendees could speak if they wished, sharing how they related to the speaker or discussing their lives, struggles, and successes. Sharing was not mandatory; if your number was called and you didn’t want to speak, you could stay silent while they called the next ticket.

I can’t remember the details of the speaker’s story, but I was struck by how incredible it was that he was sober, given his tumultuous past. When the second half of the meeting began, they started pulling raffle tickets and calling out numbers. Winners would go up, stand at the podium, and introduce themselves by saying, “Hi, I’m X, and I’m an alcoholic.” I remember sitting on that metal chair, eager to hear more about these people’s experiences. It was inspiring to see them overcome so much to achieve sobriety or to witness their resolve to choose not to drink.

That’s right, mine. Forty people were in the room at my first AA meeting, and my number was called. What are the chances?

I don’t know what possessed me, but I slowly stood up, walked to the podium, looked at the crowd, and said, “Hi, I’m A, and I’m in recovery.” I didn’t introduce myself as “an alcoholic” because I was trying to recover from several mental health conditions; “recovery” felt more appropriate.

I don’t remember what I said while standing at that podium; I think I blacked out. But when I returned to my chair, several people turned to me and said, “I love the way you introduced yourself. ‘In recovery’—genius.”

I enjoyed the meeting, so I decided to commit to six months without alcohol. I wanted to see what my life would look like. Those six months came and went, and now, seven years later, I still haven’t taken a drink.

Maybe that raffle ticket did win me a prize that night…my entire life.